Thanks NP. It's been difficult waiting for the phone to ring so I could have done without that stress. If my CPN got the message she would know that things aren't good for me and I'm sure she would have made time to phone back because she knows how anxious I am about phone calls so I'm a bit worried about what might have happened.
It helps a bit to know who is on crisis but I have phoned before and she has answered and I've still hung up despite knowing I can talk to her. I know I need to not put my finger on the hang up button and just force myself to say hi but it's so difficult when I panic. I will hopefully try and phone tomorrow, they're usually not too busy in the afternoon so will aim for then although if I manage the call it will be the only call I can make so if I'm struggling in the evening then I'll be on my own with things. I'm not sure if I should just wait and see if I struggle or what. Maybe if I can phone I can arrange a plan with them to visit me a couple of times or something while my CPN is off if they have time, I'm not so good at asking for things though.