I wrote some coping strategies and goals etc yesterday and spoke about some of it with my CPN. She was really pleased I was considering the future and said she often thinks I hit a brick wall but I was seeing around it today. I felt quite positive but plans are ok, it's actions that are difficult. My CPN recognises I need to take things slowly and she wants me to do things that will give me enjoyment. I went to the gym group afterwards and got on ok. My brother is having a really hard time though and that makes everything hopeless. Positive feelings within myself are very fleeting and I can't hold on to them because I'm so worried about my brother. I feel so connected to him and I'd like to be able to have a healthy distance from him, not so that I don't care any more but so I can be able to help him without getting caught up in so much pain myself and so I can allow myself to live even when he is having difficulties. I care about him greatly and I don't know how to help him. He is hurting too much. I can't cope and I don't know how he is dealing with things.
If anyone knows how to have healthy concerns for other people and not get too deep and how to support loved ones then I'd be grateful to hear them. I don't know if it will ever be possible for me to be less affected by his negative experiences. But the main thing is not how I feel it's how I help him to feel better. I can get away from his emotions but he can't.