It's hard having a diagnosis that impacts on your life, especially if you or others perceive it negatively. Are there ways of managing life with the disorder? What about the disorder contributes to you thinking you need to be dead?
Feelings can be so powerful even when logic says the feelings aren't the same as the situation. Does it help to write down why things you have done weren't wrong and allowing your mind to have its say too about how you feel, just accepting it but not giving it too much power?
Is there no one around at all for you over the weekend? How are you today?