Thank you all. Our case manager human asked to see the email, so I sent it to them. Then got no response. Our therapist human emailed and says they talked to our case manager human about it. She says I have misunderstood and that we can discuss it tomorrow. It really does not sound like I misunderstood.
I am trying to wait until we see our therapist human but it really just feels pointless. She always seems to be against being dead but she also says it is up to me. Which does make sense but also at the same time feels somehow like she is just dismissing it. I know I talk about being dead a lot but I sometimes do not know if she gets how hard it is to continually have to try to put it off. Maybe she does and I am making an assumption or misunderstanding. I seem to be good at misunderstanding. I am so grateful to have so much support but it just feels like everything I do is wrong.