everything keeps going wrong.
I don't know if this is the place but I'm talking about being dead (i.e. killing myself) so it seemed more appropriate.
I'm just so fucking tired of everything going wrong. Even after seeing our therapist human or case manager human, I get maybe five minutes of relief or thinking things might work out before everything just goes wrong again.
My medical human for hormones is kicking me out. I do not think I misunderstood this time. It does not sound like getting top surgery is possible. Other body related things occurred literally as soon as our case manager human left.
I'm so tired of trying to do things and trying to make things different and for nothing to ever work. I'm aware this is my fault. I'm not trying to blame anyone else.
But honestly the main reason (other than my dog) I've been trying so hard to put off being dead was because I thought top surgery might actually be possible.
I texted our case manager human and they are now off for the day. I emailed our therapist human and she is unlikely to reply either.
I came home because my dog was freaking out because it was storming but I do not know if there is even a point in trying not to do anything at this point. Everything just feels pointless and I cannot even see what the point is in trying to challenge anything.
Fuck. I'm sorry. I know you all are likely asleep and no one will see this tonight. If I delete it thank you for any replies or hugs in advance.