The future isn't a guareentie. Make the most out of today, out of thid very moment. You'll regret not taking the chance at being happy because you are afraid to be sad. The only reason we know we are happy is because we've been sad. They go hand in hand! The point is, do what maks you happy in this moment without fear for the next.
It's hard, but you can fight this and be yourslf again.
I'm sorry I'm not much use at the moment....