I am dying
Oh somebody please help me.
I can't go through life feeling this depressed anymore. I feel dead, suffocated and unable to breathe.
I just keep singing lines from that Smiths song: I haven't had a dream in a long time/ See the looks I've had would make a good man bad/ So please please please let me get what I want this time/ Lord knows it would be the first time
I feel bad because I care about my friends but I don't have the energy for them. I just either want to be laying on the sofa at home with my boy or asleep. I have no energy for anything.
Life just feels like an endless boring sea of nothing. Get up, work, go home, sleep. Repeat, repeat. Where's the joy?
I find joy in my fiance and my family, but they will die one day and then I'll be alone again.
I'm so afraid.
I want to have a child but I don't know that I'll be a good mum. I don't want to f*** up their life like my parents fucked up mine.
Last night I dreamt of suicide.
I don't want to die, I just want to feel happy.