Thank you for all your kind and helpful replies
I really appreciate them.
I have some support, im being seen by the CMHT and have regular blood tests etc. I think some sort of diet plan or something would be a good idea for me. I think if I could have some sort of guidance I might be able to control my cravings. I just feels so overwhelming and out of control. I also think I need to stop weighing myself - for my own sanity more than anything else! Plus im doing more exercise, whilst also trying to eat more and im going to put on weight.
Its inevitable and it is what I want, because I want a healthy body and a healthy future...it's just so scary and so hard. I am just utterly convinced i am going to end up overweight and fat again by the end of each weight, and gaining weight reiterates this to me. Yet if i ate certain food groups, id feel less hungry (maybe?) and thus wouldnt eat as much, and maybe could control the weight gain.
I'm not even underweight anymore, I was only a bit underweight when I was 1/2 stone lighter, so I was never drastically underweight or anything to start with, so I really do have to worry about putting on too much weight too.