I met with my support worker in the afternoon to go for a walk and mentioned that I was thinking of taking up the hospital offer. Although she has only met me twice she said she doesn't think I need to be in hospital and that I am the same as when we last met, which isn't true. I was supposed to phone the extended hours team but she said she would speak to them for me and get someone to talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. She phoned later on saying someone from the extended hours team will phone me tomorrow. She'll have said something to make them think I'm ok and just trying to get attention or something. She told me I don't have problems talking on the phone because I called her back when she left a message. She was very dismissive of everything I was saying. I said I'd try and stay safe tonight (the crisis team are going to visit me) but I only said I would do that because I was holding on to see what my psychiatrist says but maybe no one is planning on talking to him now that the support worker has spoken to the extended hours team. She asked me if I overdose as a cry for help which upset me because she just wasn't getting it.
I've arranged for my cats to go to the cattery tonight in case I'm admitted tomorrow because the lady can't pick them up tomorrow but I'm doubtful that I will be admitted. I've given everything my best shot, played by their rules by saying I feel unsafe rather than just letting everything get so bad that I attempt suicide or something. My support worker may have now made things so I won't get the help that was planned.
|