Hiya matt :)
Yeah it would probably be useful if you could learn to deal with the feelings in a positive and in a way that suits you.
if you're not sure on surgery yet, like you said its a very big decision, so could you see a therapist or someone who specialises in gender related problems?
I dont think its necessary to be labeled as either a male OR female, as people can consider themselves intergender/ "gender-queer" as well.
take care xx
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