Thank you both. I felt better towards the end of my last spell in hospital which was in May, the feeling didn't last because when I got back home everything was just the same as it always has been and I started struggling again. When I'm in hospital there is more support and also less expectations and when I am discharged I realise I'm achieving nothing at home and I feel low again.
I am feeling suicidal but in an achey way rather than a sharp way tonight, at least it's not so hard to deal with. I hold on for my brother but I am tired of suffering. I can't even do some of the self harming behaviours that I used to do which gave me a bit of a break before, it's just actually physically difficult if not impossible for me to do some of these things and I miss doing them. I desperately need respite.
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