[Sharkgirl]

Hello again!

I had another attack yesterday evening. It started with a queasy stomach and I only ate half of my dinner until I ran to the bathroom and felt dizzy, nauseous and weak, even throwing up a little bit. My Mum sat on the edge of the bath with me and reassured me that I was not going to die. Afterwards when I had taken a propranolol tablet and calmed down a bit, I spoke to my Mum for a bit, watched a film and then slept from 10 of clock at night to 8 o clock in the morning.

I woke up feeling really groggy and lethargic, and have only had two glasses of water and a tablet. Even after taking the beta blocker, I still feel weak and have a sense of doom. It's probably because I haven't eaten yet but I'm scared I'll throw up again, even though that's no way to live because I don't want to end up in hospital. I'm a healthy weight for a woman of my age but I am scared that I'll lose it dramatically in a week.

I hate feeling so ill and I want to get better again. I tried having a nap but my slowed down heart rate from the tablet planted the seed of a bad thought that I was now so weak I would die in it. I'm always thinking that. I also think "Why me? Why now?" Until I remember how selfish I sound because others have it so much worse.

I read that exercise works for anxiety but that just feeds my fear. I try and walk and I feel like I'm going to fall. I get a head rush and this fuels my anxiety. I was also about 8 or 9 hours into my tablet when I felt sick again which scares me because it makes me think I'm not safe from this feeling even after taking one. They're meant to last 10 hours but some sources say they only last 3 or 4 hours. Which I don't know would work for me because the doctor says I can only take 3 in a day.

Thank you for asking for me! I have tried listening to mindfulness tapes which really help and I keep a lavender candle near my bed to smell when I feel anxious and scared. I watch movies and listen to comedy audiobooks and watch comedy TV Shows. Talking also helps. Talking about anything is a distraction. I try and jokingly say that the cat doesn't seem to be gravely worried, sleeping on the end of my bed like death is near. She's a distraction too, I think about the texture of her fur and it relaxes me.