Not really. Spending time with P used to give me peace but I've destroyed that too.
I haven't spoken to P about this recently. We spoke about it in November/December & they tried to reassure me. I'd told them it's clear I'm an afterthought & they don't really want to see me because they plan things with others first and then they remember I also exist, even though I'd specifically asked for things to be planned in advance. They said it wasn't intentional & they wanted to make it better. It's only gotten worse.
Say, a year ago, P and I would spend a couple days together, and when I was going home, they'd say "So when am I seeing you next?" or "See you Thursday probably". Now, they plan things with everyone in advance & sometimes don't message me at all for a while. Then they send me messages like "Hey, I'm busy all week but I'm free tomorrow, wanna come over?". This is meant to be a commited long term relationship.
The truth is they don't want to spend time with me because I'm not fun to be around. I'm annoying and I talk too much, or I'm too anxious & depressing. They've said before how, when we first met, they never thought we'd end up together - I'd had various public breakdowns & they must have thought I'm "too much". I think that's how they feel now too...