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Old 26-01-2020, 03:17 PM   #118
Indigo.
Wir und die Todten reiten schnell.
 
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Wales
I am currently:

Not really. Spending time with P used to give me peace but I've destroyed that too.

I haven't spoken to P about this recently. We spoke about it in November/December & they tried to reassure me. I'd told them it's clear I'm an afterthought & they don't really want to see me because they plan things with others first and then they remember I also exist, even though I'd specifically asked for things to be planned in advance. They said it wasn't intentional & they wanted to make it better. It's only gotten worse.

Say, a year ago, P and I would spend a couple days together, and when I was going home, they'd say "So when am I seeing you next?" or "See you Thursday probably". Now, they plan things with everyone in advance & sometimes don't message me at all for a while. Then they send me messages like "Hey, I'm busy all week but I'm free tomorrow, wanna come over?". This is meant to be a commited long term relationship.

The truth is they don't want to spend time with me because I'm not fun to be around. I'm annoying and I talk too much, or I'm too anxious & depressing. They've said before how, when we first met, they never thought we'd end up together - I'd had various public breakdowns & they must have thought I'm "too much". I think that's how they feel now too...



If I only could
make a deal with God.




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