RYL Forums - View Single Post - I desperately need help. I think my dad sexually abused me. I have tried to OD twice.

35mm · 04-12-2009, 05:27 PM

Hi, I'm just going to come out with it all.

Recently, I've been getting really vivid flashbacks and memories of my father touching me sexually when I was around 5/6. I know it was around that age because my mom told mee that when I was 5 she took my sister and I to a safehouse because she suspected he was sexually abusing me. Social services were contacted but they couldn't prove anything so they had to let him see me. They split up and he took my sister and I for weekeneds. He was always extremely violent and physically abused my mom for the length of their relationship. He used to hit me too, but not to the same extent.

I'm going to describe my memories now:
- I remember constantly seeing my dad naked. I remember the shape of his penis too. Why would I have been seeing my dad naked so much?
- I remember him bathing me a lot and I remember him touching me a lot and me laughing at it as though he was tickling me.
- I remember a bed. I remember it being red with pink flowers on it. I seem to remember his hands touching me in my private parts.
- I remember being naked around him, on our own, far too much.

My memories are extremely vague. I remember being extremely sexual when younger; I started masturbating at a young age, when I shouldn't have even known what it was! I started having dreams (or more appropriately, nightmares) about my dad raping me a few years ago. Why don't I have them about anybody else? It must mean something, right?

I am still in contact with him, every weekend. Well, I've been going less and less lately. Our relationship is ok; you can tell he loves me and he would do anything for me, but I can't let this go! He doesn't know anything about this right now.

I tried to take my own life a month ago, and ended up in hospital. It wasn't serious though and I was allowed out. Last week I ran away and took some sleeping pills. This time people took notice and a doctor spoke to me about everything. He told the police who came to speak to me: I told them (not exactly what I remember, but general things) and they said that if I ever want to make a compliant then they would be there.

What should I do? I go to university next yr. Should I just wait it out? Or should I go to the police, get it investigated and start to try and deal with this?

Do you think I was sexually abused or is my mind making these images up?

Please help, I'm desperate.

04-12-2009, 05:27 PM	#1
35mm Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: England I am currently:	I desperately need help. I think my dad sexually abused me. I have tried to OD twice. Hi, I'm just going to come out with it all. Recently, I've been getting really vivid flashbacks and memories of my father touching me sexually when I was around 5/6. I know it was around that age because my mom told mee that when I was 5 she took my sister and I to a safehouse because she suspected he was sexually abusing me. Social services were contacted but they couldn't prove anything so they had to let him see me. They split up and he took my sister and I for weekeneds. He was always extremely violent and physically abused my mom for the length of their relationship. He used to hit me too, but not to the same extent. I'm going to describe my memories now: - I remember constantly seeing my dad naked. I remember the shape of his penis too. Why would I have been seeing my dad naked so much? - I remember him bathing me a lot and I remember him touching me a lot and me laughing at it as though he was tickling me. - I remember a bed. I remember it being red with pink flowers on it. I seem to remember his hands touching me in my private parts. - I remember being naked around him, on our own, far too much. My memories are extremely vague. I remember being extremely sexual when younger; I started masturbating at a young age, when I shouldn't have even known what it was! I started having dreams (or more appropriately, nightmares) about my dad raping me a few years ago. Why don't I have them about anybody else? It must mean something, right? I am still in contact with him, every weekend. Well, I've been going less and less lately. Our relationship is ok; you can tell he loves me and he would do anything for me, but I can't let this go! He doesn't know anything about this right now. I tried to take my own life a month ago, and ended up in hospital. It wasn't serious though and I was allowed out. Last week I ran away and took some sleeping pills. This time people took notice and a doctor spoke to me about everything. He told the police who came to speak to me: I told them (not exactly what I remember, but general things) and they said that if I ever want to make a compliant then they would be there. What should I do? I go to university next yr. Should I just wait it out? Or should I go to the police, get it investigated and start to try and deal with this? Do you think I was sexually abused or is my mind making these images up? Please help, I'm desperate.