Ah, I see where you're coming from with regard to your mom's statement about others knowing. Continue your search, as hard as it may be, to find that support person, someone that you can trust, to open up to. Find the positive avenues out there to help you, rather than keeping stuff bottled in and festering. That's something you always hear "find your support system". I do realize that's harder for younger people to do, in school and under their parents room. I guess you're more restricted, or limited, than an adult trying to find a support system. My support system, back in the day, was music. While it was easier for me to identify and find solace in the darker stuff, I stuck with the positive as much as I could.
Back to your statement about your future. Please tell me, why do you think you won't have a good future? I'd like to know your thoughts, if you'd share. Because I swear to god I felt the same way. I thought, when I was going through what I went through and endured, that that was the way life would always be. But I learned quickly that this isn't the case. I left for the Navy just 2 mo after graduating from HS. After that, I went to college and had the time of my life. That's exactly when I went from being an introvert (due to bullies etc.) to becoming an extrovert and opening up and taking all that life had, and has, to offer. That's why I mentioned in my previous post to start thinking about what you want to do with your life when are free from all the pain you're going through now. I'm assuming you're still in school - MS, HS whatever. Think about what you want to do. Where you want to go. Man you can have an amazing future, with everything that you want. I'm not talking about crazy cars, tons of money and all that. I'm talking about two things: peace and happiness. What makes you happy? What interests you? What do you feel you'd be good at? These are the things you should start pondering. Start researching on the net and map out your life. It may not go all according to plan and it usually doesn't ever turn out exactly how we wanted. But you learn to count your blessings and be happy with what you have. I consider myself to be very successful. Not because of money - I live simply and from check to check (just the times we live in
). I feel I'm successful because I'm happy. I work and love what I do. I have a beautiful family that truly makes every day wonderful. I don't have any "dread" in my life, whereas when I was younger, and in school, it was filled with dread.
The guys that started South Park. They were horribly bullied, outcasts, loners, alone etc. etc. They took all of that and turned it into something positive. Take what you have gone through, what you're going through now and let that be a driver for turning it into something positive and living a good life. Maybe you go on to school and become therapist, helping other kids that will be going through what you're going through. The skies are the limit. Cliche, but it's true.
It may not feel like it now, but you will have a good future. You'll see someday soon that you're a better person for having gone through what you're going through - as barbaric as it sounds. Perhaps you'll have children that may go through something like what you're going through - and you'll be able to help and understand because you went through it. When life does throw it's curve ball you'll be stronger and able to handle them. That's what I'm going through now with my son. He used to love school, love learning. It's different now. And that's not fair. I hate bullying and I wish more could be done about it. I hope, with all my being, that someday very soon schools will acknowledge the problem with bullying and put a stop to it.
Anyway, I'm doing good. I hope you are doing good and can find the avenues to help you have more peace and be more positive. Like I said, I know it's hard. And I know it's easier said than done. And while I know it may not seem like it, but you can have an amazing future. If anything comes out of these posts, it's that you can somehow come to terms with the fact that it won't always be like this and you can have a wonderful life. If you can, tell me what you would dream yourself doing when you're in your 20's. Tell me why you think you couldn't do that.
Take care of yourself and please just hang in there. I have an older sister that would always tell me "it won't always be like this". She couldn't have been more right. And I'm telling YOU now, it won't always be like this. I can promise you that.