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Old 19-01-2020, 10:33 PM   #90
Wir und die Todten reiten schnell.
Indigo.'s Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Wales
I am currently:

It's not like I lie there trying to sleep and I'm like "hmm, what would be a nice thing to think about before bed? I know, ******* my **** off..."

It's what my brain defaults to. Whenever I am alone or sat in silence, my brain drifts back to P and how they just don't care about me, and then it jumps from that to self harm. I'm struggling to focus on other things.

I know the reason P doesn't care is because I'm just too insufferable and not nice to be around. It's why they didn't want to be with me in the first place, and even though I thought things had changed, the truth is I'm just as unpleasant as I always have been. I thought if I explained things to them, if they understood me, it would be different, but they don't want to know. I hate myself.

If I only could
make a deal with God.

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