I don't even know what unwell means. I feel like I am unwell most of the time because of battling emotions etc but that's not 'acutely' unwell. People most likely wouldn't describe me as unwell when I'm functioning. I really don't know how to categorise unwell and its various levels. It's not really my say if I'm well or unwell anyway, it always comes down to the views of professionals. Last night was mega hard and I did think I have recently reached a place where I'm struggling more but I managed to build a bookcase today so that doesn't equal struggling. I'm just tired of existing and being judged by other people.
I found a list of well/unwell thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that I complied one of the times I was in hospital and there are a lot of 'tick that's happening now' in the list but it doesn't seem definite. It's so confusing. Part of me does feel like this might be a time where I should request a short admission but I really don't want that and I also have to consider how it would affect my brother.
Fuck knows the reality of things.
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