Hey Alexsis,
It sounds like you are going through a very tough time at the moment. I'm glad you posted, you deserve support and I hope that we will be able to offer you some at least.
Though it's not nice, I think it's a positive that harming yourself makes you feel panicked and physically unwell. It shows that you are not as okay with self harm being as much a part of your life as you used to be. This is a big step forward even though at times it can feel frustrating. It will give you more of a reason to fight the self harm.
I'm wondering if anything happened to draw you back to the cutting and other forms of harming?
I'm sure it's not a choice for you in regards to, "Why am I allowing myself to fall apart?" ~ unfortunately mental health sometimes doesn't give us an awful lot of choice. *Hugs*
Do you have any coping mechanisms that you used during the months that you were free from cutting that might help you now?
Thinking of you xx
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