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frightened
I've come to this forum after a few years of not needing it because I have nowhere else, this is the only place on the internet I can post and feel anonymous and safe.
I feel like people are watching my every move online, talking about me behind my back, laughing at me. I've deleted myself from all forms of social media, I want to delete myself as a person but that doesn't really keep me safe does it?
I'm just so afraid of people finding me, finding my address, hacking my computer, watching me.
I live with the acceptance that I'm being followed in every move I take and live with the assumption that someone is watching me through my webcam.
I was formerly diagnosed with BPD, however after successful DBT treatment I no longer fit the diagnosis - something I was initially very proud of.
But now I'm wondering, was it ever the right diagnosis?
I feel like paranoid personality disorder is far more apt, but am not a fan of self-diagnosis.
I was discharged from CMHT after 7 years of continuous input, I was so happy to leave them because they bore me and I no longer feel I need their input.
Only 6 weeks later after discharge I've been referred back, three different people asked if they could refer me in one week! I don't understand I really don't, I'm not harming myself or anyone else. It freaks me out that something is so apparent to other people but not myself? It feels so out of control and I really don't like it.
I feel very lost, very unsettled and very destructive despite not acting on it. I've been quite well for the past year or so, but a few months back I had a blip like this and ended up sectioned briefly, its difficult knowing what to do.
Does anyone have any advice? Literally anything would be appreciated.
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