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Old 26-02-2019, 07:06 AM   #13
Juella's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2014
I am currently:

So, my psychiatrist arranged for me to see a therapist. I agreed. Never made it there, though.

I was supposed to get there yesterday. Called in sick to work but couldn't reach my manager. Called my friend at work and asked him to pass on the message that I'm unwell and wouldn't be coming in today. Long story short, but because everyone was busy and no one was properly listening to anyone, message failed to get passed. As I was sitting in a waiting room, I got an angry call from my manager who said he doesn't know I wasn't coming to work, it wasn't okay not to come to work anyway, and he just kept yelling at me until I said I'm coming. Made a run for it, had to escape through the fire exit, went to work instead.

Then I somehow dragged through my lessons without breaking down, and then left and went straight to the nearest bridge. Got forcefully pulled off. Sat there on the bridge completely at a loss for I don't know how long, before I realized, after a passerby pointed it out, that I wasn't wearing my coat and was sitting in a knee-deep snow in a T-shirt. Sat there some more, staring into space, not knowing what to do, until a nice lady from the reception at work found me, gave me my coat, and got me inside. I kept crying and saying I want to go home, but couldn't remember my address so they could call me a cab. Finally, a coworker got me home. No one called an ambulance, or suggested getting me to a hospital. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know how I feel at all. I am currently just dumbstruck, and I feel incredibly tired, like I ran a marathon yesterday. I want everything to just stop. Please, just stop.

I'm sorry for ranting. I am just so lost as to what to do now.

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