FRUSTURATION
Its SO... I dont even know! It frusturates me. The whole.... everything of EDs is frusturating but I cant not do it.
Everytime I go in public I look at who is skinny and I compare myself to EVERYONE. I cant help it though. Even with my own family I am starting to get conscious bout my weight. Again, cant help it. I dont wanna be like this but if Im not then Ima be fat.
Since middle of January I have recovered from ED meaning tried to and I gained weight. I only did it forONE specific person... I finally reached what she wanted me to be which was a healthy weight and I telll her and all I got was a "Good job. Proud of you!" **** that now. She wanted me get ****ing fat. :( Pisses me off. I tried SOO ****ing hard for konths and she didnt really give a ****. felt VERY discouraging. Not saying I wanted her to be all over it and like throw a party but... I dunno. I feel and am ****in fat and... I just want to like burn it all off.
Pointless thread i guess but just needed say it.
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