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Old 05-07-2018, 02:27 AM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Yarnia
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I ended up calling my boyfriend. While I didn't tell him all the details, he knows I ate more than I'm supposed to. He also gave me permission to eat dinner today (while I know I don't need it, sometimes I want it or it feels like I need it.) He did suggest eating kind of light today because we both know I'm in for some upset in the GI tract until I'm back to baseline. So a lot of fruit, lightly cooked veggies, and a bit of comfort food. He also suggested going to exercise because he knows it makes me feel better, but it's too hot and the gym is closed today.

EDNOS, I'm not sure if it was around when I was looking into getting help specifically for eating, but I decided that other issues were more important and since they fed into my eating issues, tackling them would help with the eating issues. I probably bounced between anorexia and bulimia at different points, but the eating itself was never really the primary issue. Fear, anxiety, control, feelings of worth and value were the issue. These are still things I struggle with to some extent, but I am doing significantly better and my eating has generally been a non issue for quite some time. Close to five years, I think?

I haven't been on a diet per se. I've been trying to eat more fruits and veggies, but the weight loss has been just kind of happening. It actually started before I started trying to eat healthy so IDK. It's a long story and I've been trying to keep track of things, which unfortunately means a lot of numbers are involved and I cannot share that information.

Typically if I want something like junk food, I just let myself have it but I try not to have a LOT of it. Yesterday... it was ALL junk food. So much food too. Normally I don't even want to binge, which is why I'm kind of flustered and frightened by this. But I suppose you're right. This is just a one off and I can accept it and move on and try to not do it again. It's just so wasteful to eat such a large quantity all at once when if you space it out you can actually enjoy it and you're going to be hungry again anyway.

My dad is not really a nice person and I have mixed feelings about him dying. On the one hand, I'd feel a lot safer with him gone. On the other, isn't kind of evil(?) to wish someone dead? But with his poor choices, it shouldn't be much longer before the choices he's made catch up with him. His whole health situation is very stressful and while I try to keep it far away from me, it's still impacting me more than I'd like.

Last edited by Amaryllis : 05-07-2018 at 02:34 AM.

Men come and go, but dust accumulates.

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