[plastic rose]

Hi everyone. Wow, it's been a really long time, but I didn't know where else to turn about this. I'm not sure anyone will remember me, but here goes. I have a history of severe, recurring depression, which has tended to be resistant to medication, until I finally managed to be relatively stable with a high dose of venlafaxine. I graduated from university over six months ago now, and I've had no luck finding a job, partly because I feel completely stuck about what I want to do.

For the last few weeks I've been worried about my mood. Silly things like sad bits of TV shows, random sad thoughts, and sad stories people tell me about just seem to make me cry, and I feel emotionally fragile and vulnerable, but I don't really know why. I thought it was just a blip which would right itself if I gave it time, but it just seems to be getting worse. The last couple of days I've found myself sobbing for no reason on several occasions.

If it doesn't get better in the next few days I'm planning on going to my GP and discussing my options, but I'm terrified that it means my meds aren't working any more. Then again, I've thought that before, and ultimately my medication was fine, and I felt better with counselling, so maybe that's what I need. It's just really tough because when I was away at university I could shut myself in my room for a few days and nobody would notice too much because I lived in halls, whereas at home, my mum notices when I'm not myself and I find that really tough, because I have to deal with her it makes HER feel that I'm not happy, if that makes sense.

Ugh I don't even know what I want or why I'm posting this, I guess I just needed to get it out of my system. Thanks if you bothered to read the whole thing.