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Old 21-01-2020, 02:38 PM   #39
Sharkgirl
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
I am currently:

Posting again after 2 weeks!

So, I've actually been feeling better the past 5 days, at least in terms of eating and drinking well. Yesterday my Mum decided that it would be a good idea if I got dressed and went for a walk with my Dad. Everything fine, no incidents. However, I woke up in the middle of the night last night and didn't go back to sleep. Instead I played video games and durfed online. I went through to my Mum's room and she said another great step would be if I saw my Grandma. I really wanted to as I hadn't seen her in ages.
But then I started to feel funny and I recognised them as the beginnings of an anxiety attack. I took deep breaths but my legs wouldn't stop shaking. I took some beta blockers with me just in case.

Anyway we arrive at my Grandma's. It's so great to see her I almost forget my anxiety. But then the feelings keep coming and I start to feel nauseous, like a hot flush from my head all the way to my stomach. My legs will not stop shaking. I was mad at myself that my Grandma had to see me like this.
She and my Dad tell me to take long, deep breaths. Which I do. I'm always overly conscious of my breathing worried that it will stop at any moment. I get to my feet...and start to vomit. And continue to do so in the bathroom. It feels horrible.

So now I'm at home, feeling weak and tired, wanting to fall asleep but being scared I'll die in it. I thought my sertraline meds would have kicked into now. I felt like they were starting to but then this happened.
My Dad is thinking about hiring a therapist and convincing me to defer from Uni for a year. I was doing so well but now I'm scared again.

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