I hope you'll appreciate the honesty i try and put forward here.
Now i did like it, it's a pretty good coming of age story. The child growing up and the parents not quite accepting it and the over protectiveness, all very nice. correct me if i'm wrong but i am sensing a hint of real life experience being drawn from there.
I've noticed some potential. there is a talent for writing there, it's small at the moment, a little underdevloped. But thats nothing a little practice won't help. I know this because i was writing in a similar way myelf just a few years ago.
just Read more of your favourite authors, Write wherever and whenver you have the chance and work on any idea you have. There is no such thing as a bad story only bad ways of telling them. But more importantly don't be afraid to Re-write. as your skill grows and devlops so will your work and every time it's re-written it will be better.
Do all that and you could be a great writer, if you wanted to.
Good part: the conversations, the talking between chracters was realistic, very true to life. like the small in-jokes that friends have and certain words and phrases that you would only use around the family. all these were good.
Bad part (but easily fixed by following above tips):everything just seemed...flat, is the best word that comes to mind. there is little to no description of the people or places they are in. it's an easy mistake for writers because you have the images in your head it's easy to forget others won't.
The chracters just come across as two-dimensional. No while the conversations are good, i'm talking about extra stuff. little thoughts and foibles that make a person who they are. the strengths and weaknesses that add complexity to the chracter and make them more human and relatable. and if you can't relate to a chracter you can't feel for them and can't get into their story. No again this is an easy mistake to make. Learning to add on those little habits that make a chracter more human is one of the hardest skills to learn but it is the most beneficial.
What do i kow you may think: I've been writing since i was 13, i'm 21 now. everything i've told you you could learn from doing a writing course or buying a book on writing advice like Stephen King's Memoirs of the craft. but i figured this stuff out for myself through many years of honing my skill.
What is the message of this rant? You are OK but you have the potential to be so much better if you want.
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