I think I get what you mean. I've never thought about it that way before. What's the point of just doing stuff if there is no positive benefit though? There are always judgements and expectations even if I'm doing things for myself... I don't know.
I'm not sure what small things feel ok. The pumpkin patch is nice because it's mine, I'm up there totally on my own, it's peaceful with just me and the chickens... and I can produce something cool at the end of it. It's like... growing something unusual, on that scale, that no one else is doing or can do... gives me worth.
My friend has enough on her plate at the moment. Her husband was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety so I don't want to add to that. Although we've been talking about it and from some of the things I've said she might guess that I'm talking from experience, I dunno.
Today is ok. SO nervous before the phone call though, like actually felt sick... but it was alright. Been referred on to a specialist for scans and a proper assessment so I've got to wait for another phone call now.
I hate asking for help.
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