I can't deal with life and worry about the future. Something hugely awful is bound to happen. Something 'normally' awful is bound to happen and I can't even deal with that. I need to be brave enough to face death. I don't want the courage to deal with life, I want a quick exit through death. What if I can't have that? Life is just torture. How can life ever be made bearable? If only I could cut and overdose like I used to. My eyes hurt right now but I think I will do some proper research and make a just in case suicide plan when my eyes have recovered enough to do more screen things.
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