[Twisted_Illusions]

I'm going to apologise in advance if this post doesn't make much sense, I need some advice,but I'm not sure on the questions to ask, so I'm afraid I'm just going to rantaway and hope I figure out what it is I want to know exactly. See already making no sense.

So, basicallythe biggest issue at the moment is the fact I feel so trapped and suffocated. I'm 24, working and living at home...but last year my sister (who also lives with me, my mum and my fiancée) had a baby... don't get me wrong I love my nieceto pieces and wouldn't change her for the world, but I guess living in the same house has started to become too much for me. My sister has always been one ofmy biggest triggers and lately the barriers I'd built up over the years to prevent her from effecting me have started to fail and I'm struggling... really struggling. Thoughts I have been able to suppress for some time are rearing their ugly heads and crowding my mind and taking over.

And sotensions and the feelings from when I am at home are starting to overflow in to my work. I'm currently in my first "proper" job as before I wasalways too ill to work, and so because of the fact I have no qualifications orexperience at the age I am now I've been luckily enough to get onto anapprenticeship scheme, doing an NVQ with a local council I previously did sixmonths work experience with, so this means doing NVQ work as well as the dailytasks at work, which is fine....except I can't seem to get my head into gear. Ihave two assignments to do at the moment that I need to have in by next weekand every time I try to sit down and do them I just can't focus. Especially ifI am at home, because I'm always being asked to do this and do that, as mysister has recently gone back to full time work, is also doing an open unidegree and being a single mum. I'm more than happy to help out around the housebut I just feel as if my work is not taken as seriously as hers.... so it feelsas if it’s always "she needs to do this essay/ or study, so can you dothis, do that...2 and I feel unable to say "well actually no" as shehas the baby to think about and her job and her degree.

So one answeris for me and fiancée to move out... we were going to be moving out this month, but we can't, as all the savings we had to put towards a deposit went towards helping my mum and sister out at Christmas and now I'm working 30 hours on£2.60 an hour as it’s an apprenticeship...so after bills no money left over forsaving. My fiancée has debts to pay off so at the moment he is unable to save.I just feel like we're trapped. I just need my own space, somewhere I can escape from everything and concentrate on me, as selfish as that is.

My fiancée said there are 15 hours going at his work, he's a barman on the army barracks, if I want them to earn some extra money and get our savings going, which would mean working Friday, Saturday and Sunday night and then getting up at 5:30 on a Monday to get to work for 8...What I suppose I need advice on is this? I’d just like some feedback on whether you guys think it's worth taking on the extra work knowing I have another job and an NVQ to do....would I be taking on toomuch? What would you do?

If I’m honest with myself I don’t feel I could take on the extra work right now but what other choice do I have? Stay at home and watch all the hard work I’ve put into being “recovered” spiral down the drain as it is at the moment, or do I take the risks and take the hard road?

I’m so sorry for the length, I didn’t realise I would go on so much, please feel free toignore this…lol if you’ve even managed to get this far.

I probably haven't explained this very well at all... and I’ve just realised I’m moaning about what a lot of people would give a limb or four for. I’m sorry. I just don’t know where else I can turn for advice especially with how I feel at the moment, like I’m walking on the edge and one slight little thing is going to push meover.

I’ll know sit here for ages deciding whether to post this or delete it…..