Sibling Abuse or Sibling Rivalry? Long post
I have a sister who is about 4 years older than me. Everyone marvels at how different we are. She's talkative and loud. I'm quiet and reserved. She's the star of the room and I hide in the corner. Especially when we are in a room together. But no one knows is that I often feel like I'm suffocating when she's in the room.
My sister had a lot of questionably inappropriate behavior when we were growing up. She once accused me of biting myself and framing her for it. another time she claimed I laid on the floor and cried to make my parents think she threw me down. Another time she locked me in her room with her while she teased me and wouldn't let me leave, my father was outside doing lawn work and couldn't hear me yelling. My brother is 4 years younger than me, 8 years younger than my sister. When he was 10 and she was 18 I walked into the room to see her holding him against the wall with both hands around her neck and him kicking and screaming. I had to fight to get her off and lock him and myself in his room till Mom got home. 2 years later when I was 16 my sister grabbed me by the throat and held me against wall because I told her the extension cord she picked out was to short to run out of my room into the hall to plug up the Christmas lights. Then she threw me on the ground.
She always made me feel small. I was stupid. What she had to say was more important. A mine and my brother's birthday parties she played the piano loudly and sang for everyone till they applauded. Getting ready for my Junior Prom we talked about her Junior Prom. She pulled out pictures and compared us. Sure to mention that her dress was a 6 and mine was a 10. And she had a date and I didn't. Many of these things are normal attention seeking behavior but there was more disturbing emotional abuse as well. When I was 10 she called me " a little *witch*" and said "I hope you rot in hell." This was only the beginning of the cussing and name calling.
Growing up I truly thought this was all normal. But she moved out the Summer of 2013 and suddenly the world was so much better. I shined. I felt important for once like I was allowed to speak at dinner without interrupting whatever grand thing she had to say. No one in our house fought when before there had been conflict every day.
Then the Summer of 2015 she and her husband and baby moved back in. Back to the dark ages. At 19 years old I felt the need to hide in my room so I didn't have to face her. They moved out in April (2016) and our family is back to the happy days. But every family gathering, every sunday dinner that I see her I feel smothered. I feel trapped again. Like I'm locked in her room being teased like when we were kids. And it's stupid because I'm a grown woman now and I still let her do this to me.
Now I wonder how out of the ordinary this all is. My parents didn't see the true extent until my brother and I were old enough to really sit down and discuss it with them rationally and share both of our experiences with my older sister.
I'm getting married in July and frankly I'm scared to have my sister there. I'm moving about 35 minutes away from my family and part of me wants to distance myself as much as possible. I feel like she's destroying me over and over again emotionally.
I didn't know sibling abuse was a thing. Is this it? Am i being dramatic? How do i move past this?
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