Join Date: Apr 2013
I am currently:
Please, I beg of you, read my whole post regardless of its length. I stumbled onto this site/your post and had to create an account and respond to you. When choosing my screen name, I selected "it gets better" because that's what came to mind.
I can tell from your post there is a lot of pain. I've been there, in the thick of it and made it out. When I say I've been there, I mean by way of bullying. I was bullied horribly. Horribly! Move ahead many years later, my 11 year old son is being bullied. Full on, mental and physical, bullying. Honestly, knowing what my son is going through, watching his spirits being crushed by these bullies... man it hurts worse than anything I went through as a kid. I'm searching around on the net to see what I can do, how I can help my son etc. I watched "Bully" recently. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think bullying is worse today. That's just me, though.
Getting back to your post. I know these words you are reading, are just that: words. Like the "easier said than done". I was told a long time ago that "things wouldn't be like this", "things will get better" etc. And I have to tell you, it was the truth. This part, what you're going through, what other kids are subjecting you to is horrible. My eyes are watering now as I type this. Because I remember that pain, I remember how it felt like it would never end. But it does. See, at your age the years probably feel like they go by very slowly. At my age, today, they go by too fast. This chapter in your life, as painful, as up and down as it is, will not always be like this. I swear to you, it gets better. Maybe not overnight, but it gets better beyond your comprehension.
I was that kid that ate alone. My friend was the nintendo. I was a psychological punching bag. I can't put it all into words and not sure that I want to completely go back to "that place" in time. But you see, this ONE SINGLE day came. It was graduation. School was done! Over, completed, accomplished. I listened to two key things my parents taught me: 1) I can do anything 2) success is about happiness, not the dollar. I went out and found that one niche that I loved, had a ton of passion for, and eventually excelled at. I experienced something that was very different from the school days. People weren't as cruel. Not saying there isn't cruelty in adulthood. But you're not in a popularity contest and you realize you're now in a world where you don't have to take other people's crap, abuse.
Anyway, I made a small group of friends. That group grew. I met a girl. This really hot, beyond my dreams type girl, that would have been considered WAY out of my leagues in the school days. We got married. We spent a few years enjoying the married life, working, taking cruises and seeing the sights. Then we started a family. A day came when I realized that things did in fact get better, insanely better! I was in a life that I loved. I'm in a life that I love and feel very blessed to have.
The point of this story, my story, is that there is a ton more to life than school and all the bs that comes with it. You're growing and someday very soon you're going to realize how strong of a person you are. Perhaps in the future you'll help other people going through what you're going through now. The options are endless. You'll be able to do what you want and you'll have the power to create your own happiness and set boundaries. All of life is hard, there are always rough people, there will always be those times where you feel life just ain't fair. But I don't think things will be close to what you're going through now.
Just hang on! And keep hanging on. As hard as it is, try and surround yourself with positive things (music, messages etc.). Don't go down that dark road that you might think is comforting in some way. It's not and it will only make your world darker. So continue trucking along AND start thinking about what you want to do in life, after school. Because it comes fast! Start thinking about your happiness and what you want to achieve. Focus on what your passions. Because that day is gonna come soon and you'll be ready to live the rest of your life - happy and at peace. I don't know why bullying is a fact of life. It's horrible and life shattering. Someday something will be done to help stop it. I don't know if that will be Zero Tolerance Policies for any form of bullying, laws etc. I don't know. I'm searching that now for my son. My son is afraid to speak up, feels embarrassed. He recently asked me in the car "Daddy, what's wrong with me?". I had to pull over because I was crying so uncontrollably. Because there's nothing wrong with him, he's perfect the way he is. That's part of the reason I think he doesn't tell me everything. But I'm trying my best to get him to trust me, to let me protect him and help, even if I don't quite know how.
Well, I know this is ridiculously long, so I'll stop now. Hang in there, keep opening up. Don't bottle stuff in. Try, as hard as it is, to remain positive and find some support. You're not alone, by any means. Take care!