Oh wow littlecloud. That could pretty much have been me writing your last message. I been given into loosing weight too lately. Also healthy so i have energy enough for work. I wanna be active too, like having a workout because i enjoy work outs (which i do) however the ed has away of sneaking its way in anyway. Its so hard wanting a normal balanced life when that includes things that just makes the ed even louder. Like candy and workouts and such.
Its like nothing feels naturally anymore. I have forgotten how i used to live when i was okay with the food/body thing. to eat well just for the sake of having energy for work is kinda wrong too. Still its the best reason i have for not having a relapse. I wanted my old life back and went through sooo much to get it and now i dont even know what to do with it. Like i dont even know how hungry i used to be when i would go eat something. And i always have the ed thoughts to ruin the joy of eating anyway. I dont know...i been working so hard to get to the point where i could eat well, start working again and do some work outs, cause that was how my old life used to be but now that i do that, its just not the same anymore. I feel like a rambler too... Well the ed life is pretty messed up so the thoughts should be too, i guess.! Sorry i am not helping at all. Guess we just have to keep going, right?