At first I was confussed by your post but now that I've read it over I think I understand. Sometimes you wish you weren't a Christian so you wouldn't feel badly about doing sinful things? At one point in my life I felt a lot like that. I've never been a rebellous and have always been kind of a "goody-two-shoes". In high school some of my friends from middle school got into sinful things and it was attracting. I wanted to rebel and go out and have fun with them even if I knew it was wrong. During that time sometimes I wished my family and I weren't Christians so I could just go do them. Fortunatily I never did. Just remember that that conscience inside of you is the Holy Spirit living in you and guiding you. He is a gift from God and God thinks your special and loves you encough that He chose you!