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Old 16-08-2007, 06:42 AM   #55
fragile_4_life's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
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Originally Posted by charcoalchild View Post


i havva question.. but plz dont hate me.

Im a christian, have been for about 4 1/2 years, but ive had MH issues and have SH'ed for much longer. Since ive been a Christian sometimes when im a bit manic I get real over excited about 'religion'.. i read my bible 6-7 hours a day.. get feelings that i am sent by God to be a prophet or messenger..

Then when i hit a slump I find it hard to read my bible or go to church at all. Not because I have lost my faith.. its still as strong as it ever has been, but for instance ive not read my bible (before two days ago) for about 3 months. Now i know thats terrible.. but I have been going to church for mass most days of the week so i do hear scripture and teaching..

I love God with all of my heart and soul. I am so amazed and privalidged and in awe that He made and chose me and opened up the door when I came to Him. I am forever sorry for my sins. But I rejoice that I am forgiven.

My question is this;

* Is it so wrong for me to feel like I dont want to be a Christian?

Not because I dont agree with Gods teachings, or that I am resentful because I am ill... but because if I wasnt a Christian I wouldnt have the same conscience and so I could do what I want to do, ie sui.

Does anyone else question themselves like that?

At first I was confussed by your post but now that I've read it over I think I understand. Sometimes you wish you weren't a Christian so you wouldn't feel badly about doing sinful things? At one point in my life I felt a lot like that. I've never been a rebellous and have always been kind of a "goody-two-shoes". In high school some of my friends from middle school got into sinful things and it was attracting. I wanted to rebel and go out and have fun with them even if I knew it was wrong. During that time sometimes I wished my family and I weren't Christians so I could just go do them. Fortunatily I never did. Just remember that that conscience inside of you is the Holy Spirit living in you and guiding you. He is a gift from God and God thinks your special and loves you encough that He chose you!

Then she closed her eyes and found relief in a knife
the blood flows as she cries
The deeper you cut the deeper I hurt
The deeper you cut it only gets worse
Then she opened her eyes and found relief through His life and put down her knives
Then she opened her life and found relief through His eyes

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