[Charmed]

Gahh I'm sorry I shouldn't really be posting here as I haven't been much support recently and don't really deserve the support myself but I'm currently freaking out and I don't know what to do D:

This will probably be quite long. I'm sorry again. But I think writing it down may help calm me down. I may delete this later.

My mum knew about my self-harm, then thought I had stopped. A few hours ago she saw my wrists, grabbed them and demanded to see my arms. There are old scars that she knows about, but there are a few fresh cuts that she doesn't. I made up excuses. She didn't believe me. She told me that she will be regularly checking me to make sure I don't do it again and had removed everything sharp from my room. (I mostly hurt myself on my legs and other parts of my body that can be covered up, the arms just happened recently. I can also still hurt myself as I have obviously 'hidden' sharp things in my room... sorry just thought I should add that...). This freaked me out quite a lot. As she freaked out quite a lot.

I text my friend what happened. She is a great friend and I trust her a lot. She was lovely about everything and sent a very long text about how she is always there for me, and she didn't even try and tell me to stop. (That sounds weird but its a good thing and she understands that I just can't stop.)She even knew things that apparently I didn't, such as that I have been doing it more frequently recently and that they are deeper, as well as in a different (I guess more 'dangerous' area). Although this text was great and everything, I cried quite a lot when I read it and couldn't deal with all the emotions of being scared and upset but happy with my friend. And I have no hurt myself, it's worse than it has been in a while, and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I can't go and get it checked out because of my mum. I've cleaned it and it should be okay but I just don't know... And although it really hurts right now, its great at the same time and however stupid this may sound I just want to do it again. I need to do it again. And I don't know how not do.

I know this is so long, I'm really sorry. I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out. I'm also not really sure what I'm asking for in this thread... maybe just some support and advice? :( I'm sorry :(

Thankyou so much for reading :) I'm sorry to ask for support :(