I know this is a bit late of a reply, but i know how you feel as far as feeling that you need to punish yourself. That's why i hurt myself too. I hope that you have been able tto go to the inpatient care that you were trying to get into. I hope that your doing better. Im not sure why RYL isn't as busy of a place as it used to be years ago. Back then, you would have gotten several replies a day. I hope the Elders were able to help out. I know my religion helps withdealing with stuff.