I know love. Just remember that he is your angel watching over you and would hate to see you in so much pain. Try to think of what he would want and what he would say to you. I know it's hard, But I've worked with so many grandmothers and grandfathers who have passed. And you need to celebrate their lives. Think of all the great memories and all the great things they have left behind. He lives in your memory <3
And I know you say you don't think you have a problem. But you KNOW you have a problem. If you didn't know it was a problem you wouldn't be struggling. And you wouldn't be feeling so badly. And you wouldn't be posting here.
And don't be sorry. Keep working on our rap, writing receipt poetry, and do a things that don't suck list. And think of happy things! Like our cotton anniversary. And if the state will give me some money and nurse ratched will get off my back, maybe I can attempt coming for New Years and we can start this new year together and it will be a better year.