I'm so unexplainable. I tried to explain things to the CPN today but she just focused on the basic human stuff. I think I am the only person that is in this world and the other world and I can feel it in my brain. It's lonely. I cry. I am scared and I just want someone to explain to who can understand. I do the things required in this world but I can feel the other world pressing in on me and it's heavy. I can't get away from it. The other CPN is phoning again next week. She said my CPN is going to be off on sick leave for longer than they first thought. What if she's got Covid again and won't recover this time? I'm really worried.
I need someone to tell me it's ok. But it's not ok. I think the CMHT are expecting my meds to work or I'm a failure if they don't, and they might just take them off me and not look at alternatives.
I'm crying but there is no one here to offer me comfort. And this is going to go on forever, all these rules etc. I have no one to walk beside me.
|