I did it, I text him. The most Frank think I have said ever...
"Hi (removed)I know you are in training today but I needed to send a message and don't feel able to talk on the phone.
I am not safe. I am not functioning, the pills I ordered online came yesterday and just to get some kind of sleep I had to double dose them. I am overdosing on laxatives everyday, even if I haven't eaten and if I have eaten I feel horrendously guilty. I can barely walk a few steps without feeling like I'm going to collapse and I have spent the past 2 weeks pretty much in my bed. I couldn't attend my appointment with (removed) yesterday because I could not physically walk there, if I had the money I would have got a taxi for the short journey but I didn't have any money either. I'm not avoiding the appointments, I waited 7 months to get any kind of support and I would have attended but as I explained to (removed), I passed out not long before I called to explain. I spoke to my mum last night who has said that she expects a call any day now to say that I am dead either due to not eating, self harming or that I have actually committed suicide and that hurt. She even called the crisis team a couple of weeks ago and was disappointed at the lack of concern.
I don't know what will help, I don't know how to get myself out of this and I am too embarrassed to go to A&E for the 4th time this month, only then to come home and be back at square one. So I don't really know what the point of sending this message is, but I know if I carry on this way I will be dead before the year is out. I guess this is my last opportunity to say that I so want help and I know I need help but I don't even know where to begin as I cannot even perform the basic things to survive right now. I'm sorry this is long, I am unable to vocalise this any other way at the moment."
I don't know if he will read it today or not.