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Old 29-05-2019, 09:04 PM   #9
yoyogirl
 
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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So I spoke to Geary Drive today in regards to Psychology appointment and they are finally getting things in order for me at last. I feel that was a bigger situation then those insignificant problems of life...
But the good news is that I am now at the stage where I am discovering new ways of living a better life. I have realized that i am perhaps happier without these social engagements and I am I feel more relieved. I still struggle with severe depression at times but i feel that is isn't connected to the friendship situation anymore as I am putting that to one side for while. It isn't connected the jobseeking world as I am not jobseeking as I'm off sick long term... so what's the heck??
I do have small purposes every day, I get up out of bed at a reasonable time, I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb and hold mode so I can work on projects that help me so I can read books. I have routines for food, exercise, I keep a log of habits and keep myself engaged in music, youtube, latest tv shows.
so now I am now I'm wondering if the pain is causing the depression to worsen further?
or is related to my uni situation....with uni I feel overwhelmed, a sense I have got to get this **** done if I don't get it done I will feel rubbish... and I feel it's more justifiable to feel stressed, anxious. Also with it you the feeling...
but at the same time also feel a lot of time like I am not good enough, like people are better than me, that I am useless...
I have connections online and on facetime people, I have known since 2006
I don't want to base my d+a and bpd on the "stress" of jobseeking when I am not well enough to that yet... and neither do i want to be base it on friendship issues cos they all done and finished now... I am freeeeeeeeeee
The reason being is that when you justify issues like jobseeking you are given your brain permission to sit and dwell and this leads a cycle of the self-fulling prophecy. "im depressed because (this) so I sit. watch day time tv, get nothing repeat, " over while it becomes and harder to motivate yourself,
it also becomes easier to become less productive...
because you are sitting and telling your brain this why....eventually it becomes second nature....


Last edited by yoyogirl : 13-06-2019 at 04:32 PM. Reason: SPG


Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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