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Old 07-05-2019, 10:50 AM   #3
yoyogirl
 
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Join Date: Mar 2013
I am currently:

That's the thing if say I am working on a project doing studying my head is so scrambled at the moment that i literally cannot focus on one thing at a time. So i'm having to remove my workspace on my laptop, so I am not triggered by these things and literally have a notebook on my laptop that's about 100 pages long of all things have thought about while working and how my only way to get stuff is done is by force, pure isolation and banishing stuff. i severely go hard on myself/threaten my self with sh in order to get stuff done/treat myself like dogshit, army-like. if you don't get this stuff done, you won't be playing playstation, you won't be getting any enjoyment activities/foods, favorite drinks..... why don't you just s+d. you ain't worth anything, you ain't worth the price of stamp, pull yourself toegther, you deserved what happened to you... you failure waste of space, c word)
im rarely polite with myself.



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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