I don't have much useful to say, but I do want to send some support. I'm sorry things are bad just now. I understand where you are coming from, because I have often felt that way too.
It sounds like you have been through this before. Can you think of what helped in the past, what might help now? Do you have someone you can talk to?
I know it's all so difficult and horrible, but it can and will pass. In the meantime keep reaching out and keep talking. Also, keep posting here too. You are never alone here.
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