okay so update on this (trigger: self-harm):
last night i snapped. hit myself in the head with a thick glass milk jug when i got overfrustrated. sister called 911. medics came and took me to the hospital where I got stitches in my left hand. got out fine. just way bandaged up. head is mostly fine.
today i saw the christian counselor. things seemed to go well when i told him i was LGBT and an athiest. turns out he was part of the county crisis center previously. he said basically the same things the other counselor had said. so we'll see how things go from there i guess.