Only physically recovered not mentally
I've been "recovered" for over a year now.
I've gained weight in that year and I've never managed to be comfortable with it. I'm at the high end of healthy apparently. I have never stopped hating myself although I'm no longer suicidal.
Through therapy I learnt the reasons behind my eating disorders and I was encouraged to eat whatever I wanted and to not exercise at all. I feel this didn't help me as I still have no idea whats a healthy amount to eat/exercise, nutrition etc. All it's done is taken all my control away from my eating.
I have no impulse control at all and go on massive binges. I haven't started purging again but I'm so very close. Everyone just thinks I'm recovered because I'm fat and I can't let them down again by letting my thoughts become actions.
I do have more energy and I am happier then before until I'm on my own or anytime where I think i'm being looked at... I know the importance of food as a fuel now but I still hate it.
Will I ever get used to being this fat? am i 'recovered'? Can I only call a relapse if I'm restricting/purging again?
Last edited by [Purple_Rain] : 11-04-2012 at 10:37 PM.
Reason: removed amount of weight gained
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