I'd likely look stupid by my facial expression or spilling it or something. The support worker might see me or might deliberately look away. It means I'm being kind to myself by allowing myself to drink. It's hard because it's one to one and she's a professional and a proper adult. It probably sounds weird but I get scared when I see the professionals I know with things like a handbag because that's too adult and terrifying for me and I'm not used to seeing them with their handbags. I feel like a freak.
I'm out of cope for today but I'm supposed to be going to the reading group. I was out earlier and went to pick up a book from the library and find out what time we had decided to meet for the group and I told the librarian I'd see her later but I'm so anxious and had a hard time on the walk home and don't think I can get out again. I don't even feel able to phone the library. I can't be bothered with my idiocy.
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