Thank you. My CPN often says if I could show myself the same compassion I show to others my life would likely be very different. I feel like I'm too kind to myself though, with material things and not putting too much pressure on myself anyway. My self hate is so huge that I'm not sure if I can work around it and I'm also not sure if I even want to try, because it's so strong that I believe I don't deserve self compassion. Or compassion from others really but I don't want people to treat me negatively and I appreciate any kindness I receive.
I'm not sure what people could do here that would be useful. It's good enough to receive replies when people are able and to talk through things. If it was easier for me to pick up the phone then I would maybe contact my CPN. I wish I was allowed to text or email but that's a definite no. I need to sort out my issues with phoning people and answering the phone, it's such a silly reason for not being able to access support.