Aimee,
The appointment with the specialist was really hard, really hard. He looked through Cricket's (one of my alters) book which is full of drawings and writings about abuse, torture and child prostitution, porn and worse. I was sitting there as he was reading it having all the images flash through my head. I was totally overwhelmed. But it gave him a lot of insight. He is now going to have a discussion with my Dr/T about it all and my treatment.
Today has been quite hard too. Just lots of memories and flashbacks.
Thank you for having faith in me. I hope it's worth it. It doesn't feel it.
And I don't know when I'm being discharged... Which is making me feel unsteady. I'm totally sick of hospital, I've been in for weeks and weeks. But I don't know that we'll/I'll be safe at home. Mum is really worried about me coming home too. But I don't want to stay in hospital, I want to go home.
Hey Dash,
I suppose I am fighting pretty hard. You're right, that's all I can do.
You are right too about all the battles I've fought in the past and got through. I don't want them to be futile. I just feel so overwhelmed. With absolutely everything. The DID can be very very frightening sometimes, particularly at the moment. I just want it to stop, everything to stop.
I'm not allowed to talk to the staff about any trauma stuff (Dr/T's rule) so all they can do is try and distract me, help keep me grounded and check on me. Which isn't so helpful at times.
Thanks Casey, things are pretty rough. I really hope you are ok.
Ash
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