Kat and Annie
Thank you. I went to the mht with the knowledge I was not going back into the system again. CPN was nice. He understood. He was shocked and amazed I’d been so ill for so long. Said if not had the right treatment and intimated the treatment I’d had was helping prolong and enable the depression.
We both agreed I didn’t need to be put back into the system.
Ups and downs again. Never fully up and never fully down. Still I end up In my safe dark place over and over again. Still I daydream of it all blacking out and the torture ending.
The doc was lovely at the follow up. I tried hard to explain that what many would find disturbing I just find normal now. Like living with chronic pain or something, you just get used to normal pain. I think she understood.
The follow up letter from the mht spoke of how insightful I was. Said positive things about me. That was ok.
I’m at the stage now where I’ll just keep quiet. I guess I have to make do. Im not normal but I’m ok. I very rarely feel truly happy. It is seldom I am ever excited.
I’d love to feel like I’m worth something.