Matt, it's not failure when things happen that are beyond your control.
Maybe it's the pressure of all the great things that are happening. Maybe it's not. Finding out exactly why it happens isn't always helpful or the key to the solution though.
You need to talk about this. Not just the general feelings but all the really bad amd nasty and ugly stuff too. Sometimes talking about it can help lessen the grip it has on you. I for one, am glad you are getting referred to services again. They helped you before and maybe they can help you again. I hope so!!!!
You are trying. That is the most important thing.