Guilt guilt and more guilt?
Things are tough and there have been huge changes so it's not surprising you're feeling bad. But feeling **** and doing crap things are just as real as feeling good and doing the right things.
None of us are perfect and everyone here ****s up big time. Everyone does things that fill them with fear and guilt and shame. But denying those things only leads to more hurt.
From the **** comes a chance to see the light again. The pitfalls open opportunities to learn and move on. Don't deny yourself this.
You self harmed but you're a self harmer. It's what we do. It's our coping and sometimes it's all we know. Accept it and ask for help.
Message the councellor. You don't waste counsellors time by not telling them stuff, you just waste your own wellness. They are there for these moments. They are there to talk and reason out why we do shitty things.
Don't beat yourself up any more over this. The punishment you administered is plenty.
Love matthew xxx