[.lost.the.tin.can.]

I was supposed to have my tonsils out this morning, it would have been over by now but I'm at home instead. Two years ago I had a blood clot and at my pre admission they took a blood test and said everything was fine.

I was first on the list this morning and I'dve been home by about 4 or 5 this afternoon. But with ten minutes to go they changed the list because they had to talk to someone about me and my risk of blood clotting again. They had to give me some medication meaning I would have to stay in overnight.

I am TERRIFIED of hospitals. I often think it would be easier to live in one but that doesn't stop them being terrifying to me. When I had my blood clot I was supposed to stay in for at least a week but after the first night I begged to go home and was home by 8 that night. I had a cry and a scream about going in this morning in the first place because I didn't even want to be there for the DAY.

I had a panic attack and refused to stay in overnight but they said I'd have no chance of going home. Mum had a go at me in front of all the nurses and other patients and I was having a panic attack at the time so she just made me feel TEN TIMES WORSE.

She brought me home eventually but not until she had moaned at me sufficiently enough to make me want to curl up and die when I got home. She just doesnt understand that I would rather have tonsilitus over and over again than go through having this operation and staying in hospital. I feel like ****.