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Old 30-06-2010, 04:38 PM   #1
...Here.Is.Gone...'s Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
I am currently:
...And suddenly... it was gone.

I'm not really sure if this goes here or not, so feel free to move it if it doesn't belong. So here goes nothing...

I have been with my other half on and off for almost 9 years. We were not only eachothers partner, but also eachothers bestfriend. He works away all week and is home from Thursday night to early Monday morning and then is back on the road. I gave birth to our daughter 2 months ago and at first everything was great! He is absolutely in love with her which is a beautiful thing to see. Our lives seemed to finally be on the right path. Then all of a sudden he just started being mean to me. See, I used to SI and have depression, low self-esteem, and anger problems (which I have been doing really well to control w/o any meds). He has anger problems, low self-esteem, and inner demons that he refuses to address which does affect our relationship. I know him and all of his problems, which I acknowledge, but he refuses to do the same with mine.

Recently, he has been very rude to me. Making rude comments about my weight, my clothes, name calling etc. He doesn't appreciate me or the things I do for him and our children. I have noticed that I have been crying atleast once a day and feeling like I am falling back into old ways. He also gets upset because I do not want to have sex with him like we use too. #1. I just had a baby and am terrified of getting pregnant again (yes, I am on birth control, but still.) #2. We have been together for a long time, so things aren't new anymore. and #3. He treats me like dirt, so why would I want to sleep with him?

The other day, we ended up getting into a physical altercation. We started by of course, antagonizing eachother. He kept kicking at me, so I threw a bottle of sunburn cream at him and it hit the wall and exploded. He grabbed me by the arms and threw me with all of his might onto the couch. It was so hard that I had a hand print and now a bruise where his hands were and my head snapped back. So yes, I swung back. Thank God my mother was there and broke everything up. Since then, he has moved out of my house and for some reason, I can not get him off of my mind which makes me sound and feel crazy.

We were both at fault over this fight, it was not one sided and I know that. Neither one of us is a bad person, but I feel like we both just had enough. I know I did. I was sick of the disrespect he showed me when I have given him everything and done everything for him. And honestly, he didn't do ****! He wants me to be with him, and apart of me does, but there needs to be some serious change in the both of us. What should I do? I need some serious advice because I refuse to live my life this way. HELP!!!

Yes, I was burned but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned but I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it lesson learned
Another lesson learned

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